WemonAde.com When Life Gives You…

I just wrote an article on the top best finds in the Sky Mall Magazine, but I just realized I left out an equally important item:  The WORST items listed on the Sky Mall..

So, without adieu, I will list them, but not in any particular order.

1.        The airport friendly laptop bag.  Sorry folks, there is no such acceptable thing at the current moment.  It supposedly opens up with clear plastic and microwavable scanning allowance.  I don’t care how transparent this is, the security is going to endlessly remind you to obey the rule of taking your laptop out of the bag.  At a high $140, this is a “wait until you just walk through an xray with all yer stuff” kinda purchase.  Hello, airport mode on your phone isn’t even allowed.  You can’t break rules even if you have an ability to get beyond the “rules”

2.       The museum/precious metals cleaning plate.  C’,mon!  How many travelers, let alone people, regular people actually collect museum worthy precious metals?  I know of none.  And I’m pretty sure if someone did, they would have something much more technical than a flat aluminum metal with a bunch of holes in it.  At $30, I can say if I never see or hear about it again, that would be fine.

3.       Another stupid one is a box that showcases your watches.  To whom?  For what?  So someone can be jealous of your stupid watch collection?  It’s veneered, and really, if you have a fetish, aren’t you supposed to hide it? $80 bucks to display a worthless fetish.  How many watches do you need when you can only wear one?

4.       Bigfoot the garden Yeti sculpture.  Ugly, bonze and just plain stupid. It is 2 feet tall, and there is nothing that would make your life better including this in your yard collection.  Might make for a good prank joke to hide in someones closet.  At $99, this is surely only acceptable if you are a yeti yourself.

5.       Sky Rest wedge shaped pillow that you can rest on your airplane tray.  It’s small and plastic blowup pillow.  I’ve not seen ONE in the 5 years they have been promoting this and if I did see someone use it, I’d want to shove it into the aisle.  It’s bulky and just outright stupid.  At a mere $30, you can have more of stuff you will never ever use.

6.       Saving the BEST for last, R E M spring bar hair removal.  This evil looking wormlike spring with two ends that you bend and then move back into a straight line will painfully remove hair quickly.  Expect crying, screaming and NO smiles, like the face of the woman in the picture.  No, this is something you will never smile about.  Sheer torture.  If you are into that thing, this is a very well priced $20.

So that’s it folks.  Yay for mind numbing objects that are invented.  What would we do without them?